A battle that can’t be won

It’s so hot in the UK, we are experiencing a mini heatwave with temperatures soaring higher than normal for this time of year. I starting writing a light hearted post about the extra hot weather but it didn’t match my mood, I think I was trying to prove to myself that I’m ok about the extremely hot weather and higher UV levels. But in reality I’m not.

I found it so hard this morning walking away from Livvy at school, I considered keeping her home so that I could ensure her safety but I know that is not the answer.

I have many times talked about how I wear tights with my dresses come rain or shine, plus a long sleeve top or cardigan to stand in solidarity with Livvy and all her necessary protection. However this week it’s just too hot so I have a summer dress on with bare legs and sandals. It makes me feel physically sick to watch Livvy pull up her second pair of leggings to protect her legs and zip up her boots to ensure her ankles remain in total protection whilst I stand next to her with my bear arms and legs, but I can’t afford to get heat stroke, I need all my physical energy to look after Livvy in this heat so in these extreme weather conditions I don’t follow her in layers of protection. I want to scream, I want to cry but it’s not the answer.

I came into the kitchen this morning to find the sun pouring in through the windows, I got the UV meter out to check the film was still doing what it does best but in this extreme sun it’s powers of filtration are up against it and some UVR is creeping into our home. I silently closed the blinds as Eddie joined me and did the same without being asked. A silent movement to protect the one we love from more skin cancer.

Livvy often applies her own sun cream under my supervision but this morning she insisted I did it. I can see it in her eyes, she’s scared, scared of missing any areas of her perfect skin against the daily fight she has with UV radiation. As I rubbed the cream into her neck Livvy asked me if she should do her arms, we normally leave her arms free from sun cream as they are protected by a long sleeve T-shirt made from SPF 50+ material and when she’s outdoors she wears a hoodie over the top made from the same high protection material. Therefore, in reality no UV can get through both layers but today Livvy felt the need for extra protection and I didn’t stop her, on days like yesterday, today and tomorrow life has to go on and if an extra layer of protection is what gives Livvy the confidence to leave the house for school then I’m not going to be the one to tell her other wise.

Yesterday we didn’t leave the house all day, the shutters on the front of the house remained closed, not only to stop any stray UV rays coming in but also to keep the heat out. Whilst everyone else appeared to be busying themselves and making the most of the sun we played games, ate ice cream and watched movies in the safety of our UV free home.

Weeks like this are tough, there is no getting away from our reality. Livvy’s condition is always in the forefront of my thoughts but today as the sun bares down on us, it’s relentless, constant, overwhelming power I can’t stop thinking about her, my daughter fighting a battle that can’t be won. A battle against the most powerful star in our skies.


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