The reality of life, the reality that one day we won’t be here can hit us like a steam train when we least expect it. This morning I heard the most terrible news imaginable. A motorcyclist died yesterday on a road close to where we live, my dearest friend told me she’d found out it was her friends husband. I’ve never met her friend but have heard so much about her I almost felt like I knew her, knowing that if I did ever meet her I’d give her a big smile and welcome her whilst sincerely telling her ‘Ive heard so much about you’.
At times we all feel invincible, like our world will never change, never end, then with one phone call our lives can be devastated beyond repair.
When I was about eight years old my uncle died in a motorcycle accident, I remember him well. I think that’s why this mornings news has placed a sadness over my soul, I know it can happen to any one of us, no one is invincible as much as we all wish (and think) we are.
I’ve told Eddie and Livvy about my uncle and they both put themselves in my shoes being the same age now as I was then. They both asked about their own uncle (my brother), ‘it’s like uncle Kyle dying for us now isn’t it mummy’ I told them both it is in some ways but Uncle Kyle isn’t going to die so it’s ok. But in reality what do I know, it happened to me and my Uncle and this mornings horrid news means it is still happening to other families.
I have at times in the past worried about Livvy, I’ve been consumed with a feeling of not grief, but a feeling which I find hard to explain, I guess it’s a fear, a fear for what would happen if we missed a melanoma, if the worst happened.
She is so well cared for by the team in London and in Nottingham, busy consultants answering my email query the same day, seeing her in clinic the same week if needed, nothing goes unchecked so in theory I have nothing to worry about but when reality comes smashing down in front of you, bringing back memories from my eight year old self I can’t help but be overcome with fear, with sadness, with grief for a family that I know won’t know how to get through the next few days, weeks and months without their husband, father, uncle, brother and son.
When talking to my dear friend this morning she said, ‘we need to live every day like it’s our last’ it’s an old cliché that we’ve all heard before but it’s so true, hold your loved ones close, tell them you love them as we never know when that phone call is coming.